i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He better not be in your backpack
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
