how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize