i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
