break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
