i permit you to call me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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