hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
