you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
