But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
