The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize