Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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