i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
