I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
