We're facebook friends in real life
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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