If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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