In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
