Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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