So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
