just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
