Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
