There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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