how hairy? two words: wookie tits
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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