Plan B is the new Plan A
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
