I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
