i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
