Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
