dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
