Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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