Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize