Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
