Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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