Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
