I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
