Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's blow job season.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
