You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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