Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
