Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
