she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
