guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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