Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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