Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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