Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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