Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
