you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
