i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
