I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
