I love having hate sex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
