my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
