I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
