I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
