His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
