After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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