An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
