did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
