After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
