I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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