who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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