believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize