Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize