Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
