how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize