dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
