Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
