your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
