I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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