Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
