I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
cat food counts as protein by the way
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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